Being ignored by someone you have known for years who has suddenly decided to dislike you hurts. I have done nothing wrong, I try and make the effort to actually communicate but recieve nothing back which feels just shit. I know who is behind it. I know that they have turned this friend against me for 'something' i did to them. The fact that this 'friend' has decided to listen to this girl is insulting considering her history. So last night I tried to speak to you, repeated your name a few times over the music, which wasn't actually thayt loud, and you definatly heard me. So now I am not gonna bother. Ok thanks.
Uncertainty is the worst feeling ever. Not knowing what to believe. Especially when I promised to never doubt this person but things keep popping up. Being told that so and so said this and being told it cos you know your friend just wants to help you out makes it harder. Preconceptions will always linger. I'm sorry I am doubting you, just know you'll always be an amazing friend to me, I can pretty much tell you anything. Every story has two sides though and I know this, just happens that this story is pretty complex. The trust was only really formed at the end of this week so I suppose only time will tell. Time seems be a telling point for everything in my life at the moment.We shall see. Just don't let me down or prove the other side of the story to be right.
Made up with mother. I have never felt so awful in my life, the sick feeling of her thinking she has let me down when I realise I've let her down equally. I love you.
And also I know that you're sorry it was over and about you and I do appreciate you taking a step back. But shouldnt have taken the step forward in the first place. Mum told me about the email you sent but in very little detail and says she'll probably show it to me one day. Not really impressed that you pointed out the blog to mum but I spose it just brought everything out into the open. I purposely haven't told my mum everything, like I normally would and always have done because I am still protecting the way she and dad feel about you. But if stuff like this is gonna happen next time I wont hesitate. I'm sorry also for everything, I know we both want to be friends and as we discovered the other day that the slightest discrepancy leads to one of us jumping to conclusions but I honestly only pointed out Freshers for your sake, that I would end up dancing with all my different friends and you wouldnt have yours there, and we're not a couple anymore. I love you and probably always will we just need to wait to get back to a 'normal' state, its literally been a week so please don't have a go when I dont want to see you or when I do i'm not talkative or something. Time is gonna be the thing which tells. I'm honestly so proud of you, with your interview and everything just keep going :) Writing all this on here is probably easier than saying it to your face cos as you know I'd probably just start crying so I am pretty much a coward I spose. But I will always care about you we just need space for a while and arguments will occur along the way but hopefully we'll come out ok at the other end.
If you read this. Dont text me. I'm having a day of no contact with anyone i've decided.
So I need to crack on with some AS English revision after realising I honestly have forgetten all of it and my exam is on the 27th!!! Then this arvy me and mum are going for some retail therapy so I can look for my Leaver's Ball dress :D EXCITING!!
Also I am not perfect. Never have been never will be and in all honesty nothing can be described as having perfection because that perfection is personal and does not apply to others. Just puts pressure on.
Wow that was a release.
Love xxx
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