Club

"How much do you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?" - Tyler Durden

Stormy Weather

Somethings going to happen to break the harmony.
I don't know what.

But I can feel the oncoming chaos.



...




Can I go back to here please? >>

Spazzy McGee

I love college. I have decided I do not want to leave.
Ever. University scares me.

Knee high socks proved to be a winner but probably never again, or for a while lol

I didnt appreciate the public humiliation in Cafe D by a particular Matt Dav. THANKS. I just love having a wax strip waved in my face which has John Guy's leg hair on!

Sophie and her little comments and looks about a certain someone make my day. Laav you Soph ;)

Iron Man 2 is amazing. I think Robert Downey Jnr. could be a prospective future husband.

I got paid :) hello uniform.

Love xx

Listen

 Gerty is getting fixed finally after the guy took ages to phone his insurance people and I have been given a beast to drive in the mean time. An Astra which is HUGE, i feel like a mum driving it haha and going from a 1.1. to a 1.6 makes life fun and also scarier haha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM! :) 18 (at last hehe) we went out for a meal with both are families and I cant describe how scared I was and the dread I felt with the prospect of my insanely loud family with Sam's oh so quiet family but it was ok in the end.
RAG week at college so far has been uneventful apart from singing hey jude with JG which was particularly amazing and a significant event of my life haha
Its School Day tomorrow so bring on the slaggy school girls. 

We've been trying to decide what to do for leavers photo and I must say some of the ideas are pretty awesome so far, some quite cruel but hilarious to us.  For example dressing as the 'posh/prep' girls who walk around like the own the place or even just turning into Lion Girl for a day (those at Farnborough would find this truelly hilarr) and also possibly ust adopting masks of a certain girl or guy :) we were contemplating going all Avatar but then decided against it as we didnt feel like being blue in the normal photo. So masks and taking the piss could be an option, my personal fav is cavegirls ;) We are a mean bunch but who cares :)


Also a certain person has been slagging off a ridiculous amount of people and I would not be surprised if I was included but the lowest form of insult is attacking someone's blog, especially if your own is as deep as a puddle even if you think that it is the most philosophical acheivement since 42 was discovered as the root of the universe. Stop it. Dickhead. Ta. Another dilemma is from talking to someone who I do talk to quite alot but I dno if I want to know EVERYTHING about their life as it may turn out I discover you're actually not the person I thought you were.  Ignorance is bliss I spose sometimes and also somethings do kinda sting so yeah... But i shall suck it up as I always do.

COCKTAIL NIGHT ON SUNDAY. I am rather excited, especially as now its dressing up, well done stephy you absolute gem. Bloody marvellous.

Slaaa xxx

That was close...

So basically my not so brilliant week was ended on a scary note. I had my first car accident.

Aparently your first one is the worst, this is what the woman said to me who stopped to help out.  But to be honest with you I dont plan on having anymore, i didn't plan on having this one. It wasnt too serious and I am fine, no injuries but my car, Gerty, is now very poorly. 

So what happened was I was on my way to work in Lightwater and was driving through Mychett when a car 2 in front suddenly slammed on its breaks.  This is when everything started to go in slow motion, I slammed on my breaks and stopped in time to not hit the car in front, my bag was thrown off the passenger seat and all my stuff went everywhere and my ipod flew out of its little cubby hole. And I actually said "bloody hell that was close" then there was like 2 seconds of nothing which is the weirdest thing cos it was like time had stopped. The next thing was I heard the screech of tires and the sound of a guy going "SHIT" then WHAM a guy in a mercedes went into me at about 35-40mph. 
The sounds are the things which scare me, like I can still hear them and the shock of knowing your car has just been hit. The crunch of metal and plastic just smashing into each other, its just awful, makes me get goosebumps. I realise now that I just sat there in total shock, utterly frozen, probably for way too long.  The length of time I hadnt even thought about until I realised what actually happened in that time. I sat holding onto my wheel, half crying half repeating 'oh my god' over and over again, the guy who hit me pulled up next to me and asked me if I was ok about 10 times and the woman infront had parked her car and got out and was at my window telling me to calm down as I needed to get my car off the road. Thats got to be a minute and i should probably be embarrassed but i dont care, it was horrible. the force of it launched all my cd's from the little holder all over my car, jolted my back (already injured from a case of whiplash from a previous car accident) and through the casing around my radio flying through the air. 
I mean imagine if in the 2 seconds I had stopped and leant to pick up my bag, I could potentially have smashed my head or .... wait there is honestly no point doing what if's. anyting could have happened. which is probably the scariest part.
But yea anyway i finally snapped out of it and moved my car onto this long driveway, the woman in the ar infront was so lovely and was making sure I was ok, the guy in the car behind was panicking, his car was pretty smashed too. I finally stopped crying. Got both their numbers, the force of him hitting me had made me just hit the car infront but there was no damage.
My poor little car had all silver paint on the bumper and was all scratched up and also basically hanging off. I thought that was it, even though I thought that was terrible I thought that was it. On coming home and my parents investigating the car we found that in fact the boot had been smushed up a bit as all the carpet and shelfing in it had bunched up. Also my boot door doesnt shut and if my petrol tank has been cracked or anything my car is going to be written off!
OH MY GOD.
if next week doesnt improve no one is ever gonna read my blog ever again cos its just gonna be the Unfortunate and Whiny Events of Tash Salmon's Life.

ok car accident explained. I'm scared now, I'm not gonna lie. So driving to college on monday will be fun...
xx

Mascara Tears

This week has been hard. It has been emotional, painful and tre tre confusing.
I have tried to write this blog about 4 times but i honestly can't put it into words that I havent already said.

I love you. I am hurt. Give me time. I have never had this much internal conflict and not been able to see what I want or say what i feel.
I would like to add my friends are amazing. Dawn, Cherise, Sophie, Amelia, Natalie, Gee, Charlie and Stephy thank you for being there for me and listening to me. Also Ellen who rescued me. 

Insecurities are dangerous. They hide beneath the surface and sometimes seem to have altogether disappeared. Years of ridicule, pressure and sadness can be forgotten and discredited but when one incident allows them to resurface its scary how much they effect you. No matter what people tell you the 'buck tooth fish' from year 8 will always appear to control how you feel about stuff even if it is for a couple of days or a couple of weeks, its there.
Its true i am smiley and confident. I find it hard to not smile for like 2 minutes because its in my nature but what I feel doesnt change.

Sorry for the self pitying blog, i'm in a self pitying mood.

My flowers are beautiful, thank you. I love you.

The Only Exception

 Hayley Williams has done it again. Her incredible voice has managed to make me feel totally emotional just by listening to one song.  The Only Exception is AMAZING and makes me wanna sing it at thetop of my voice at everybody in my life who I love. Makes me realise how much I love my family, my boyfriend and my friends. Listen to it and you will understand :) and if you dont then you clearly don't appreciate Paramore enough.

So i havent had much time to do my blog this week so this one may be quite long and as it late it may not make alot of sense.
Sunday was a bad day. I dont usually have bad days but I properly crashed, I felt awful with my mood going from mediumly shit to feeling like I wanted to sleep and never wake up to reality.  The stuff I was worrying about is still there but it was forgetten on Monday morning when looking in my bank account HELLO money. It was so hard not to spend it all in the first few hours but I waited and for good reason.
On Tuesday I saw my beautiful and wonderful friend Miss Steph Cann.  We have been friends for years, mainly form the years of drama and singing and musicals haha. So we went shopping in Guildford where I bought so much. Lunch was funny as we went into Costa and there was a guy who used to be in my AS history class last year who left college. So we were queing and i did the thing all girls do when they see someone they know but dont know well enough to speak to and whether it is actually them or they will recognise you. So i did the eye talk of "i think i know that guy" and then mouthed "i think he used to go to my college".  This of course would have been fine.  If I had actually mouthed it and not whispered it slightly as he turned to serve us. embarrassing!! so we gave him our panini's to toast and he then he casually said "I knew you at farnborough sixth didnt I" then followed a tre tre awkward conversation.  But it made me think how funny it is when you see people who arent actually friends and its totally awkward,knowing whether or not to speak to them. The people that qualify for this Avoid or Awkward chat catagory are:
- friends of friends or friends of friends of friends
- boyfriend's friends
- people you've met when drunk
- that person you've sat next to once/twice in a lesson
- the person you got on really well with last year but now they've dropped it and you have nothing to talk about
You know what I'm talkign about :) and I bet those have happened to you at some point lol

But yea back to tuesday, was lovely with Steph and I did force her to watch 90210 but other than that it was great, and we could have talked for england. Dinner made in the Cann-way, as steph put it, was amazing!!! And soooon we have the world famous Cann Cocktail Partyy. Last year was priceless and this year should be sooo fun too! Emily Webster knows what I'm talking about ;)

One down side to this holiday has been that I havent seen much of any of my girls, didnt get to go out for Leanne's birthday as I didnt have any money then wednesday I couldnt go to cambers with them as I was in Farnham with Dickie and Adam (which was hilarious, mainly due to us trying to explain what a chav was to an american girl and also Gavin and Stacey) then thursday I wasnt feeling great so didnt go to the cinema. So I would like to take this opportunity to say I love you Samantha Gray, Leanne Hayward, Jess Chitsen and Becky Mileham. And I cannot wait for MALIAAA!!
My other girlies I have not seen due to the mountain of college work I still have facing me and also that they went to Paris.  I did of course have a nosey at the photos as soon as they got back and they managed to look gorgeous in all of them :) Dawn did promise to try and bring back the Eiffel Tower for me but I dont think she couldget it on the Eurostar without people staring :)

I have my first full day at Whistles tomorrow :) and my uniform is sooo nice! then in the evening we're having a party at home for my dad's 50th. even tho mum and dad are still referring to it as a gathering as I think the word party scares them the fact that there is over 40 people that deifinitely qualifies as a party!

Laav you all xxx

emotional

Today was my last day at Coast and it was lovely.  My manager (who I had orignially been worried would hate me for leaving) suggested first thing that we go out to lunch, her treat.  So, after a morning of me selling quite a few things for the very last time, we went to this pub by guildford castle where she bought us fsh and chips, I ate so much i thought I was going to explode.  But it was lovely and we chatted constantly for the hour. As it was sunny we sat outside and it was great to people watch too, friends meeting for lunch and a group of 'lads' laughing very loudly. Kari very loudly pointed out how low all their jeans were by their ankles, so funny, one of them looked really awkward and pulled his up. Then went back to work where Georgie hugged and kissed me a while even though she lives about 2 minutes away from me and i see her most days at college but she felt great sadness at not working with me anyway. I was fine for the whole day until about 10 to 6. Kari gave me a hug and said 'I will miss you.' This unfortunately kicked off everyone I have worked with over the past 2 years coming and giving me a hug.  I did not cry but it was a close one.
Coast, its been emotional but its time to move on. Helloooo Whistles. :)

Yesterdayyy, i went on a picnic with Sam :) as it was terribly sunny again and we didnt want to waste a lovely day. So I cracked out the sunglasses and picnic rug and off we went to the perfect picnic spot that Aldershot can offer, Wezza.
Wezza is in normal terms is Wellington Statue and gained that name through Sam's mates going their on a regular basis and i'm sure them getting bored of having to continually say Wellington Statue, far too much effort.  Its the same as Tezza for Tescos and Boycee for boys, just some of the few weird phrases and words which I have picked over the 3 years of Sam and his boyce.  The last time we graced Wezza with our presents was many moons ago after we had left year 11 and had nothing to do but revise for our gcse's so going back was nice and it was funny comparing pics from last time, I wont bore you with them haha but heres one from yesterday. For the perfect picnic food I had raided Sainsburys and had successfully obtained a delish lunch which is soo yummy! It consisted of pasta, salad, crisps and of course our shared favourite food, OLIVES!!! After holidays in lanzerote and portugal we had jointly grown to love the lil things that just taste so damn good when you know they shouldnt. We love them clearly because we're made for each other haha.

I plan to actually do some work tomorrow. Hopefully I will. No I definately will. Yes.  I will.
I've covinced myself haha. Nighht xxx

Sunshineee

I seem to have a work ethic at the moment which entails me doing one large piece of work, feeling proud of myself but then not continuing any other work as that 4 pages seems suitable enough for one day. This is often coupled with frequent eatings of easter chocolate (I have overcome my dislike for it now) and other various snacks which will mean that I will return to college the size of a WHALE! Other procrastinations involve singing loudly and being distracted by songs which i have to spontaneously dance to.  Currently I have listened to Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson about 7 times in a row and sung the lyrics at the top of my voice all of these times. (there is no one in to hear so its ok) I dare any girl to listen to it and not want to grab her microphone whether it be her hairbrush or remote control (both have served me fine). "I'm looking for attention, not another question. Should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don't have the answer, why are you still standin' here? Hey, hey, hey, hey! Just walk away..."

Its sunny outside!!!! Its literally so beautiful. The sort of sunny thats great because its not too hot due to a slight breeze and theres enough clouds in teh sky for you to make lil shapes out of the but not enough to cover the sun. Perfect for lying on a rug with a picnic and a boy. But i am not lying on a picnic rug and my boy is not here.  I am forcing myself to remain in my room doing work because I dont wanna leave all my work for the last weekend. My only consolation is that my bedroom window is abnormally large (even the window fitter commented on it and he prob fits millions of windows) so I have a large sky view from my room. (cue the photo..)

One problem with such nice weather as I have just discovered is the huge f#ck off wasps which like to fly into your bedrooms. After opening all the windows in my room its decided to leave but now I am left with probably an hour or so of jumping at any buzzing noise or a brush against my skin. I hate wasps.

I have sent mother out with the film from my grandads camera to get it developed. Its soo exciting having a film developed, much more than digital cameras when you know everything that is on there even before you get home.  I think most of the pics on there are from when it snowed but I just finished it on tuesday with some photos of an unsuspecting boyfriend. The last lot were a bit of a failure as I lost 1/2 of them by opening the back of the camera too soon and they got zapped by the sunlight which was a tad annoying. I need to buy a new flash and the one which my papa had to go with it has only worked once. Unfotunately this one time was as I pulled it fromt he case when my nan first gave it to me and naively held it up to inspect and said "how does this work?" pressing the button at the same time.  I was without sight for a number of minutes and now leanrt not to hold a camera flash up to your face. It hurts and temporary blindness is not fun.

It has just dawned on me that this is infact another form of procrastination and distraction from the mountain of work I need to do! So I shall stop and do some history or something...

Oh and I still dont have my money so I am stuck inside for another day, if it doesnt come tomorrow I may cry and die a little bit inside. My problem is that I have already like spent it in my mind by making a list of everything I want to buy. The band of brother box set has now been added to it and possibly the Friends and How I met Your mother box sets too! Also may need a new digital camera, my pink slidey one has served me very well but I think it may be on its way out. Especially after it was thrown on the floor by someone who hasn't actually ever apologised and just either denys it or laughs about it! The massive dent on the front of my camera serves as significant proof!!! (yes I have circled it)

Good day to youu xxxx

p.s. may just have to make a playlist for dancing-in-the-mirror-and-singing-in-your-hairbrush-when-everyone-is-out songs

sozzled

Happy Birthday Sammiee! I forgot to say it in the last one. Her birthday was on 1st of April andboy did we have a cracking night. First of all we crashed at her place and got slightly sozzled on an aray of alcoholic beverages whilst Sammie opened a number of presents. Sammie had been drinking from about 5.00 so her opening the presents was a wonderful site which entailed her almost fallng over a number of times and very often talking absolute nonsense! So funny :) love you mate. From there we were heading to Jaxx and after consuming so many spirits we saw a very tipsy night ahead of us.  This was before we got to Jaxx. On arrival we were faced with the largest que known to mankind and it was bloody freezing so inevitably we sobered up.  After a total waiting time of an hour and a half and several people needing a wee and doing so in the limited number of bushes and some gruesome boys doing it in bottles we were finally in the club.  Only for me and Jess to have a half hour worrying wait about whether Sammie had got in yet as we had lost her and the others in the que.  BUT the night proved fabulous as we found everyone, got redrunk and danced the night awayyyyy.

On the same night i discovered that possibly a friend has lied to my face on a number of occasions about the same thing.  Its a long story but involves whether he slept with someone and whether he didnt.  I have now been told by atleast 5 people that he has, all relatively reliable yet he still denys it. I just dontknow what to do, but it all fits together that he must have and must have been lying to me yet he is still adament that its not true. Yet he seems more interested in finding out who told me rather than denying it. Which annoys me.  The only way I will know if he actually is lying is by seeing him and talking to him in person rather than over facebook or a text. I think i'm pretty good at identifying when someones lying. But next time I see him is after easter hols so I have a while to boil over. This is annoying me and I shall probably write more about it soon.

ITS EASTER! and weirdly I have suddenly gone off chocolate at the WORST possible time of the year! I have gone off chocolate. It looks so good but I honestly cannot eat it which honestly makes me so sad. I have an Aero egg, a flake egg, a shit load of creme eggs its ridculous, a tube of mini eggs and so amazing looking cadbury Koko thing Sam got me that as these gorgeous truffles and I CANT EAT THEM! I just dont like the taster and it makes me feel a bit sick :(
But I spose chocolate is not the essence of Easter. Jesus is... but who cares because supermarkets and shops cant make money out of Jesus, i'm sure the church could though and regularly do. Ooops there goes my anti religious tendencies again. I would say I'm sorry to offend, but i'm not.
Hot Cross buns are the best thing though! bit of butter and jam with a toasted hot cross bun and a cup of tea can not be beaten at this time of the year.  Its like the snack equivilant of a xmas dinner.

I still haven't got my compensation money but I seem to already be spending it. I have bookmarked atleast 100 pieces of clothing from asos and topshop to buy and also owe my mamma money for reading too. I am buying a whole new wardrobe and treating myself to nice things like shoes and jewellery and a trip to london shopping me thinks.
Dr Who on saturday wass soo good! I have agreed with Sophie and Dawn that Matt Smith is a lil bit of a hottie but I would make a MUCH better assistant. this ginger girl cant even act.
Last day at Coast on saturday and the saturday just gone wasn't actually too hard.  I can't wait to start at Whistles I think i'm really going to enjoy it and CANT wait to buy my fantastic uniform. EEEEEE! exciting!!!

cotton wool or carpets?

Clash of Titans was a small disappointment. When I first saw the trailer when me and Sam saw avatar i was sooo excited but I would honestly give it a 7/10. It is no where near as good as the first (even if I did get confused whether the first one was Clash of the Titans and Jason and the Argonauts) There wasnt even Bubo the mechanical owl! ridiculous. And Haydes sounded strangely like Voldemort, you would think Ralph Fiennes would make the effort to change his voice for two major roles or his career! But the guy who played Perseus and is from avatar is really hot :)
I had a very funny drive home with Sam as once again his irrational fear of cotton wool I was laughing soo much i was actually crying, not good when you're driving, but it was hilarious.  Before me and sam got together we used to sit with each in Product Design in year 10. At some point we hd to do this colour spectrum and so the colours looked pretty our teacher gave us cotton wool to smudge them with. but due to Sam's fear I had to make little cotton wool paint brushes by wrapping cellotape around the middle so he could hold it without freaking out. I'm not gonna lie but i did already like Sam at this point so it wasnt this ridiculous fear that drew me too him but it is something I have always found hilarious.  I made a point of wiping off my smudged mascara with a cotton bud after I had cried with laughter.
I do know this is highly unfair to ridcule my boyfriend in such a way so I suppose I should bring up my totally irratioal fear of carpets and carpet shops. Yes, you read right, carpet shops. Its the way they are all rolled up and lined up in rows and looking like they'll fall on you. I had a panic attack in one once, thats how bad it is. Not nearly as funny as cotton wool though i'm sorry. Hehe. My other fear is heights, i have severe vertigo. So bad infact I couldnt watch Up without feeling terrified.

Tomorrow I have to work at Coast for my second to last time. I am scared about how my manager is going to be with me :(. I am really sorry im leaving and i don't wanna leave on bad feelings. But if she is awful I can just kill her with kindness :) and be the best sales assistant ever!!!

Night all xxxx