This week has been hard. It has been emotional, painful and tre tre confusing.
I have tried to write this blog about 4 times but i honestly can't put it into words that I havent already said.
I love you. I am hurt. Give me time. I have never had this much internal conflict and not been able to see what I want or say what i feel.
I would like to add my friends are amazing. Dawn, Cherise, Sophie, Amelia, Natalie, Gee, Charlie and Stephy thank you for being there for me and listening to me. Also Ellen who rescued me.
Insecurities are dangerous. They hide beneath the surface and sometimes seem to have altogether disappeared. Years of ridicule, pressure and sadness can be forgotten and discredited but when one incident allows them to resurface its scary how much they effect you. No matter what people tell you the 'buck tooth fish' from year 8 will always appear to control how you feel about stuff even if it is for a couple of days or a couple of weeks, its there.
Its true i am smiley and confident. I find it hard to not smile for like 2 minutes because its in my nature but what I feel doesnt change.
Sorry for the self pitying blog, i'm in a self pitying mood.
My flowers are beautiful, thank you. I love you.
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